Dear mental illness,
i know i speak to you every single day and have done for a very long time now but i think its time i adress you on your own, as what you are, not as a part of who i am. its safe to say we have a committed relationship, since the day we met we have not spent a moment truly apart. you have never left my side, or my life, always with me, i tohught you were my friend, you wanted whats best for me but i was dellusional. all you ever were was a thief, you stole my confidence, my passion for life, dreams, goals,and everything i was, but yet like a loyal sheep dog i stood and lsitend to your commands, i tohught you were giving me happiness, becuase what harm can loosing a few odd pounds do.
our relationship changed me, it made me hate myself, i slowly became you because all i ever did was listen to what you had to say, i now know thats not right. why did you turn my own head against me? why did you make me to weak to stand? too anixious to go to school? you tricked decived and lied to me, i thought you were my friend but i now know you just wanted to see my brake into a million sharp pieces then use them to stab me.
the other night we were reminisng over old emmories, you pointing out mistakes i made years ago, i remebered a time when i didnt know you, i had a light in my eyes, a fire in my belly, a smile on my face an d a passion for my life. i often wonder where this girl went, the girl who loved life, wanted to make the most of everything, who was the life of a party and never took know for an answer, it hit me, i know where she is; shes not hiding under layers of trying to hard to fit in, or faked perfection, shes not laying in a corner waiting to be found, you took her, you dragged her away and just left me as a skelleton of a person i once was,
one memory stands out above all i was sitting on a beach, in a bikini, with more of my body on show than youd ever let me think about, eating chips, just because i wanted to, and i had a real, enuine smile on my face, i had a bag full of books dreams and plans and nothing was stopping me, i was in control of myself and i was happy. i miss it, i miss how happiness feels, it is like holding a warm mug of tea on a cold day, i want that back, a life which I was in control of, a life where I was free and I knew happiness. Where I made my own decisions and wasn't dictated to you by you. This isn't right.
So mental illness, I guess this is me saying I have had enough of you, you have been a major part of my life for so long but nows your time to go. This is hard, ending this is hard, as is ending any long term relationship but it's generally for the best, please take all your baggage, all the sleepless nights, missed opportunities and hours spent worrying, I need my head back for me. I'd be foolish to think this is goodbye forever, I know there will be times where I fall back into your familiar embrace of self loathing and darkness, there will be nights were I confide in you again, as an old friend but I vow to spend every moment of my life fighting you.
Good bye mental illness, I hope we meet again, when I take back the girl you stole many years ago, and the smile on her face and the light in her eyes. Thank you for getting to know me (a little bit too well) but you've out stayed your welcome. So goodbye for now, please stay away, I hope to one day sat I got rid of you but until then, I will do all I can to see you in my life a lot less.
Goodbye,
From the head you lived in and mid you destroyed x
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